The only constant is change

The only constant is change. - Heraclitus (535 - 474 BC)

But even the change is also changing...

Yin and Yang?

I have two qualities in a lot of aspects in my life:
diligent at some parts but lazy in other parts,
smart at some things but totally dumb in other things,
somewhat hypocritical,
simple but complicated,
organized in some ways but disaster in many ways,
detail in doing things, but forgetful in some important things,
very nice and polite sometimes but rude in some other times,
patient in appearance but have some angers inside,
attentive but does not have care.

Start knowing more about myself...

Not Special

I know I am not special. I am just like everyone else. I am only a guy in the so-so crowd, who tries to stands out. Or even my position is on the left tail of a left-skewed distribution. Maybe I have less strengths, and a lot more weaknesses than any other people do. Many people are better than I am in many ways. However, this condition should not demotivate me to work and do beyond mediocrity. I should try my best to be a better one in the things that I am good at.

Time is so precious

But I always waste it..

Compassion

Will you help someone if you don't know him and if he doesn't give any gain to you (or even be harmful to you)? Will you help him if it means you need to sacrifice something from what you have or maybe sacrifice yourself/your family? - Samaritan Law?

Hedgehog Dilemma (Evangelion) Revisited

People who hurt us the most are those who are very close with us.
Based on my reflection, the solutions to Hedgehog Dilemma are
-Tolerance and understanding
-Unselfishness
-Respect to each other

Refflections of My Battles

* First and main battlefield: mind and mentality
* Victories of daily battles can lead to the victory of the entire war (Be wary to the long tail, though)

Enemy and Respect

In Troy (2004), the conversation below happens after Achilles kills Hector and dishonors the body by dragging it to Greeks' army camp. On the night after the incident, Priam goes to Achilles' tent and asks his son's body back. He gives a good lesson for facing the fierce competitions in this capitalistic world:

Achilles:
If I let you walk out of here...
...if I let you take him...
...it doesn't change anything.

You're still my enemy in the morning.

Priam:
You're still my enemy tonight.
But even enemies can show respect.

Job and Dignity

Whatever you do, either laborer or rocket scientist, do it with dignity and to the best of your ability.

Quote of The Day

Only a life lived for others is worth a living - Albert Einstein

Painkiller

I am a kind of person who gets exhausted and depressed so easily. When I got exhausted, I will not be able to do the best that I can do. I will use a lot of my time to entertain my self with my hobby. However this hobby already become my addiction and tends to be negative and destructive. People do things to release their stress or kill the pain in their hearts. Some use positive/neutral way like doing sports/hobbies, watching movies, hanging out with friends. Some use negative things like drugs or alcohol. I just get an idea how to deal with stressful/painful situation: pray! Using drugs to kill the pain does not solve the problem, because drugs may make one unable to think clearly. I usually waste too much of my time with my hobby just to kill my pain and end up doing no progress in solving my problems. Indeed, the first battle to fix a problem is to control our self and to have a clear mind. Ask God in our prayer to make us calm, sober and courageous. Also, ask Him to make us understand what He really want us to do, yet still responsive to the problem. When things are getting worse, ask Him to give us endurance and ability to solve it. If the condition does not get better and nothing more you can do, just hold His promise! Is praying the same as consuming painkiller? No! Painkiller may make us unable to solve things and it passively helps us. It's entrapment. Prayer make our mind clear and God actively helps us to do what He wants us to do.

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What would you do if you had been born poor, slow, mediocre, indecisive and fainthearted?

30% is Fate, The Rest is A Battle

I just watched Shinjuku Incident yesterday. In this movie, Jackie Chan plays an illegal immigrant from China in Tokyo. This movie is his darkest movie ever. Usually he always becomes a nice or innocent guy who happens to have a good skill in martial art, but in this movie, he did not show off his kung fu skill. Instead, he tried to show his acting capability. I enjoyed to see the struggle of the people to pursue their dreams, because I want to see that their hard works pay off. However, later I found that I don't like the story because in this story the Chinese immigrants (led by Steelhead - Jackie Chan) took a shortcut to get money by stealing and cheating. And then, they ended up becoming the Chinese mafia in Shinjuku.

My favorite scene in this movie is when Jie (Daniel Wu) got a cart for selling chestnuts. Jie was the only one in their group that always felt uncomfortable to do crime, therefore all of his friends bought him the cart. In this part, one of they guys happily sang the "Ai Piah Cia Eh Yia" song. (I know I know, you will laugh when you see the clip, it is an oldie). I never known the meaning of the song until I read the English subtitle. The way they translate is also interesting. The guy only sang this part:

三分天注定 七分靠打拼
Thirty percent is Fate, the rest is a battle
(Thirty percent is Heaven's will, Seventy percent is hard work)


爱拼才会赢
You can only win if you love a good battle
(To win, you have to give your all)

Inside the parentheses is an alternative translation.

Indeed, everyday is a battle. You need to win the heart of your customers to buy more of your products, you must win against your boot-licking co-worker, you need to win the trading (if you're a trader), you need to win against your competitors, and you need to win the battle with your own laziness, anxiety, fear etc.

Below is the full translation of the song (taken from here):

At a time when we lose, our ego would naturally blame.
At a time when we fall down, our soul would naturally be terrified
The memory of going through days of losing hopes and getting drunk
My body is without a soul just like a scarecrow
But life really is just like the tide of the sea
They rise and fall by turn
Good luck, Bad luck
Really, you just have to wake up and get to work, do it.
Thirty percent is heaven's will, seventy percent is hard work
To win, you have to give your all.

Including the two things above (fate and hardworking), I believe someone needs to have the following for becoming successful:
1. Fate (talents, opportunities, intelligence)
2. Hardworking (diligence, passions, endurance, fighting spirit)
3. Relationship
4. Smartness and Creativity
5. Audacity
6. Vision and Hope
7. Integrity
8. Resilience
9. Ability to create chances
10. Ability to use a chance

Can you add more?

Fly Me to The Moon - Evangelion - Utada Hikaru

Fly me to the moon And let me play among the stars Won't you let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars In other words, hold my hand In other words, darling kiss me

Fill my heart with song and Let me sing for ever more coz You are all I long for All I worship and adore In other words, please be true In other words, I love you

Cry and Smile

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. - by Unknown

Dream...

I keep on dreaming (a pipe dream) and need to 'swallow painkillers'.. Phew... I wish I wasn't that fragile...

What do you think you're worth?

According to the Bureau Labor of Statistics, the unemployment rate in the US in June 2009 (not seasonally adjusted) is 9.7%. It means if you walk on the street and you see 10 working-age people, almost 1 of them is unemployed. Pretty scary, huh? Although the number is not as bad as that of the Great Depression in 1993 (27%), but it is the worst since 1983. According to the FED, this number will increase up to 10% sometime in this year. However, actually the real unemployment rate can be higher (may be around 14% or more), because the Bureau Labor of Statistics' official number does not include people who part time and people who have given up on finding a job.

The following image was taken from google website:


click image to see a larger view.


People who lose their jobs, sometimes feel worthless and lose their confidence, because probably they can't afford to look after their family (or even themselves). I just want to give encouragement to people who feel really bad these days because of this circumstances.

Your worth consists in what you are and not in what you have. - Thomas Alfa Edison

Keep hoping and fighting. I hope the dawn will come soon!!

Logical?

"Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. [Some men just want to watch the world burn]."

Alfred Pennyworth ~ The Dark Knight

Dude!

A Bud Light commercial with 10 different inflections of "Dude!" It's hilarious!!

Roulette?

Gambling is a game of probability, but usually in gambling, the chance to win is smaller for the gambler than for the dealer. Probably the most fair game in gambling is roulette. But, still, the probability for the gambler to win is not 50-50. The dealer always has better/slightly better probability, so in the long run, the dealer will always win.

For detail, please see:knowyourluck.com/roulette.html

In roulette, you can hedge your position. It means that when you put your bets, you can put them in a way that your risk for losing money is smaller, therefore you can play longer with your money, and you can have more chance to win. You can learn more about it from the book below:


Gamble To Win Roulette, ISBN:0818406275.

For you who like mathematics, take a look at this book:

Roulette Odds and Profits: The Mathematics of Complex Bets, ISBN:9738752078

It is all about probability that you can calculate. Test your strategy first before playing.

By the way, recently I think that in God (for you who believe in God) there is no probability and uncertainty, because He knows everything in the future and He controls it. (Although He will not tell you what to bet to win the gambling for sure :P). But probably, the best way is: Be close to God and He will guide our way. Easy to say, huh? What do you think?

Power of The Tongue

Death and life are in the power of the tongue

Words in Struggle

Hardships take my faith little by little. I am struggling but hit the wall so many times. So many weaknesses I can't manage. Make me wondering, why He created me with such weaknesses. Am I really special? Why are there no doors open for me?

Contemplating..

Take time to pray..
Take time to listen..
Try hard, and harder..
Always give thanks and give thanks..
These make me strong..

He promises:
He never sleeps.
He never leaves us.
He never fails.

Patience is only one faculty;
Earnestness the devotion of all the faculties.
Earnestness is the cause of patience; it gives endurance, overcomes pain, strengthens weakness, braves dangers, sustains hope, makes light of difficulties, and lessens the sense of weariness in overcoming them.--Bovee, Treasury of Thought.

Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over us by the supreme
ordinance of a paternal guardian and legislator, who knows us better
than we know ourselves, as he loves us better too. He that wrestles
with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist
is our helper.-- Burke, Treasury of Thought.

Do Not Hate Humans

I've never played Castlevania game or read any of its comics. However, I found that this quote is interesting, at least for me:

"Do not hate humans. If you cannot live with them, then at least do them no harm. For theirs is already a hard lot." ~ Lisa, Castlevania

The Search of The Meaning of Work

In my opinion, work is one's activities to produce/create something useful for others. Either, we give additional value to some stuffs therefore we make the stuffs more useful or we give services to other therefore make their life better. The examples for the former category are factory workers, artists, product designers, and programmers. The examples for the second category are teachers, stuff distributors, hair dressers, actors/actresses, pilots, brokers and marketers.

However, I have difficulty to classify some jobs. One of them is traders in financial market. Traders do zero sum game. It means that their profit is others' loss. There is no additional value to the economy or society. Or actually the value of their job is in finding the real value of things and try to take advantage of the misspricing things, i.e., exploit it? What do you think?

What I still don't like in work is unfair competitions. Fair competitions are good, because they can stimulate productivity and creativity. However, an unfair competition hurts other people. For example, for increasing the sales of its product, Intel try to do monopoly in microprocessor market at Europe. This action harmed not only AMD but also consumers at Europe. Fortunately, recently European Commission ruled that Intel Violated EU Law and Harmed Consumers. This ruling stops Intel doing 'dirty' job for winning the microprocessor market.

The example above is an example of unfair competition between two rival companies with the same product. However, I think it is very easy to find other examples of unfair competition among people, coworkers or businesses. A business try to sabotage the competitors' plan, a guy spreads an unethical rumor about his coworker to get promoted, and etc.

I still don't have conclusion for this matter. But in my opinion, if our jobs are hurting other people, I think we need to rethink the meaning of work. If for the sake of money/prestige/career/business/ambition/stomach, other people become our enemies and we do things to hurt them, then, what is the meaning of work? Is my definition of work (Activities to give additional value to society/humans) wrong? Or people just follow the natural selection from evolution concepts? Or is it because the world is under the curse (according to the book of Genesis), therefore people, in order to survive, have to hurt one another?

May be I am just thinking too much..

Social Networking?

I always feel uncomfortable when people say that networking is really important. It's like people always try to take advantage of someone else. They want to use other's resources to reach their own intentions/goals.

However, recently, I want to see it in a different way. I try to see it as a half-full glass instead of a half-empty glass. When we are engaged to some activities with other people, may be in communities or may be just hang out with them, we actually don't try to take advantage of other people, but we make ourselves available to help others when they are in need.

Then again, in the spirit of helping others, we need to be careful, don't let bad/insincere people take advantage of ourselves. Just like old proverb says, "Be wary and wise as serpents, and be innocent (harmless, guileless, and without falsity) as doves."

At the end, probably don't think too much about it, because for the most of us, actually we enjoy being together with other people. But, if you are an introvert person who doesn't feel really happy when you hang out with others, don't push yourself too much to do networking, different people have different style.

Trinomial Tree and Life

Trinomial Tree is a concept in Quantitative Finance. This shows the evolving of the price of something over time. Usually, it's used for modeling interest rate.

Borrowing the concept from Finance, actually we can see similar situation in human life. In every point of time, someone's life can be up, down, or remain the same. You can see this in every aspect of someone's life, i.e.: emotion, finance, career, happiness, fulfillment, etc. One of the tree in the picture has equal downward and upward slope, the other one has steeper downward slope. What do you think about these pictures? Do you think the second one is more pessimistic? I think it may show that it's easier to fall down than to climb up.





Anyway, the ups and downs of life may be really depend on one's attitude.. However, in every stage of someone's life, he needs God's grace. He needs it when he is on the top, so he will not be boastful. He needs it when he is at the bottom, so he won't get crushed and never get up anymore. He needs it if he is in the middle so he won't fall or even can climb up.

In the end, it's not life if there is no ups and downs. Just hang in there if your life seems too difficult to deal with.

Price of Decision

Every decision has price to pay (No matter the expected result).

Sometimes it's not only us who will pay the price, but also our family members or people around us. When the time to make important decision comes, think not only ourselves, but also people around us. Don't hurt them because of our bad decisions.

One's attitude can determine his future

Passion, Patience, Soulfulness...

Just want to post some stuffs from my old and deleted blog:

Passion gives energy and enthusiasm...
Patience gives consistency and endurance...
Soulfulness gives meaning...

Hedgehog's Dilemma (from Neon Genesis Evangelion)

I just finished watching the TV series. I know it's a really old anime. But a new movie based on the TV series (Rebuild of Evangelion 2: You Can (Not) Advanced) was released in Japan on June 27, 2009. I hope it will be released in the rest of the world pretty soon.

This anime is really heavy. It contains so many tweaked philosophic, religious, psychological, and scientific concepts. However, it's just a story. Don't take it so seriously. Be careful though, the story may make you depressed. I need to skip some episodes especially the episodes at the end of the TV series because they're kind of boring and too heavy to deal with. Later, I found out that Hideaki Anno, the writer of the story, wrote Evangelion after he recovered from 4 years of depression. No wonder the story is so dark. The TV series is darker than the movie because there are more hopes in the movie. In the Rebuild of Evangelion 1: You Are (Not) Alone, Misato encourages Shinji who feels that he is alone and scared when he fights the Angels, but Misato says that actually he is not alone, there are so many people who support him in the battle.

The main characters in the story are people with a lot of problems. The center of the story is Shinji Ikari. Shinji has so many problems when he tries to understand so many things: the purpose of piloting Eva, the purpose of his existence, how to deal with praise/ignorance, his bad relationship with his father/others, how not to run from problem etc. In one of the episode, Ritsuko talks about Hedgehog's Dilemma to depict the sophisticated relationship of people. People need to interact and intimate with others because humans are social being, however they will get hurt easily because of the collisions of one's interests with others'. Shinji, who is still a teenager, doesn't understand how to deal with this situation. As a result, he always feels painful.

In 'The End of Evangelion', the Third Impact makes all people in the world lose their A.T. Field (my interpretation of A.T. Field is something that keep one person as a separated individual) and become one living liquid called LCL. Shinji decides to give people their rights to be separated individuals (by asking Rei to give back their A.T. Fields) although he knows people will always hurt one another. The ending scene shows that he tries to hurt or even kill Asuka(probably the only human being other than himself, who survives from the Third Impact). It means that despite his decision of giving back people's AT Fields, he still cannot overcome his terrible pain in his heart. He stops choking Asuka after Asuka shows him some affection.

In conclusion, although I suggests not to take this story so seriously, I found that this hedgehog's situation is interesting. In my opinion, This hedgehog's situation is unavoidable. That's why sometimes I don't understand people's motives. I don't understand why people do this or that. Why people do politics. This situation often makes me feel contempt. IMHO, we can use love/affection to deal with such kind of situation. So, enjoy our life with others, because, indeed, humans are beautiful beings.

Who is the jerk here..

If you think everybody is a jerk, then you need to start thinking that actually you're the real jerk

I am disgusting

Before, I despised people work only for money.. But now I am just one of them.. I am just as disgusting as they are..